So, you’ve gone out a few times. It’s obvious that you’re interested in each other. People are starting to ask the typical questions:
- “So… are you guys, like, together?”
- “Are you exclusive?”
- “Have you made it official?”
What do you do?
Well, if you’re like most people, you start to freak out.
You worry.
You wonder, “What if I’m not the only one they’re seeing? What if I’m getting played? What if they don’t feel as strongly as I do? Am I ready for this kind of commitment? Are they ready for this kind of commitment? Am I setting myself up for disaster and heartbreak?”
Stop it!
Seriously. Stop it. Now.
Don’t do that worry thing. It’s so lame, and it does you no good.
Take a deep breath… there you go…
So, if you you find yourself in this crappy limbo phase between “more-than-friends” and a committed relationship, here are some things I’ve found helpful to calm the nerves and set yourself up for some hard-core relationship success.
Lower Your Expectations
The following might seem like a really callous way to describe dating, but it makes my point:
Dating is like car shopping. You have to test drive the car you want to buy before you buy it (and no, I’m not referring to sex right now).
I mean, if the Mazda 3 got all huffy and upset, and refused to accelerate past 35 mph until you gave it an explanation describing why you drove the Volkswagon GTI a few days after you drove the Mazda… well… you’d pick the GTI.
(And yes, this goes for both guys and girls.)
Sometimes dating works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Keep your expectations for yourself high, and your expectations for the other person low. You’ll soon realize that everyone is just trying to make the best decision for themselves just like you’re trying to make the best decisions for yourself.
This more realistic approach also makes it much easier to be honest with one another. (Just thought I’d throw that in there for good measure.)
Stop Telling Everyone About Your Dating Life
Have you ever heard of Metcalfe’s Law? (Probably not.)
The basic principle is that the more people involved in a network (or in this case, a relationship) the more complex it gets, and the more people talk about it.
Drama starts when your mom, your roommates, your cousins, and everyone following you on Facebook has direct insight into your dating life. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has advice. And everyone is wrong.
What works for them will very likely not work for you. It will just cause problems.
If you want a simple, non-dramatic relationship, keep it between 2 people… you and the person you’re dating. If you practice privacy in your private life, you’ll be much better off.
Imagine that.
(I mean, it’s none of their business who you’re kissing on the mouth anyway, is it?)
Never Say “We Need To Talk”
Stop expecting commitment. There is no official moment that signifies commitment. That’s the scary thing about a relationship… it requires you to trust another individual.
Three dates does not equal a commitment.
A kiss on the mouth does not always equal commitment… at least not long term.
Instead of worrying about being committed, worry more about enjoying being with that other person. As you learn to enjoy each other, you’ll notice that the commitment naturally develops (the way it should), and before you know it, you’ll be enjoying each other so much that you’ll naturally develop into an exclusive couple… or you won’t.
And yes, I know that sucks. But, that’s life… and when it works, it’s beautiful. Way more beautiful than the dreaded “We need to talk” moments.
In Conclusion
Cool your jets. Have fun. Enjoy each other.
When it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Just keep being real, being patient, and being you. The world has a way of ironing out the wrinkles.
